Ok ladies, I’m sure some of you are nervously cringing or rolling your eyes, while others are sitting back and ready to dive into this conversation. Self-pleasure, self-love, masturbation or sex-education is often shunned or just simply not discussed. I’m a believer that in order to make life matters more comfortable, or in this case, more pleasurable, it’s best to just simply start the conversation. We realize that society has this habit of stigmatizing womanhood, and natural life processes into something embarrassing or inappropriate and I’m here to say F**K THAT! Let’s dive in…
Quick Disclaimer: I have taken an established sexual education in working towards becoming a “pleasure-positive” sex educator through the “smilemakers” ambassador program. All information is factual unless opinion-based. Visit Smilemakers to read general information and sourcing.
Self-Pleasure can mean many things, as there are many forms of self-pleasure which may range from masturbation to other pleasure-inducing activities through self-stimulation. Sex-education is directly linked to a reduced rate of STI’s & pregnancy, in a safer more inclusive environment. Many sex-education courses are designed around fear or abstinence & are biased, which contributes to a lack of education among men and women.
Do you really want to get into it? (no pun intended) but Ok. The World Health Organization does not literally define sexual pleasure, but mentions it as a “form of sexual health including safe and pleasurable experiences.” Interesting right!? FUN FACT, sexual-pleasure is also directly linked to better health, longevity, self-esteem positivity and confidence (not just in bed friends). Choosing safe and pleasurable relationships connected to fulfillment of sexual rights are linked to good sex too. There are a few stages which are involved in the sexual-pleasure “build-up” per say. Let’s discuss…
EXCITEMENT: This involves arousal, physiological changes, elevated heart rate, increased genital blood flow, erect nipples & increased vaginal lubrication.
PLATEAU: Heightened state of arousal
ORGASMS: The ultimate end of the plateau or shortest and most exciting stage. Body muscles involuntarily contract, releasing endorphin hormones
RESOLUTION: Body returns to normal state, prior to arousal regardless of an orgasm or not. Oftentimes this is a refractory period in which you may be incapable of arousal or orgasm by stimulation as you are hyper-sensitive. However, you can have multiple orgasms and may be pleased to know that women have a statistical shorter refractory period, but you still may need to recover from low energy or hypersensitivity for a bit, unless you are in the ideal moment and can aim for another round (wink, wink)
This may as well be my favorite part, and some of the facts I am about to share with you may be upsetting even though they are true. What is the clitoris, you ask? Well, it is the only organ in the human body, designed solely for pleasure. Everyone who has a vulva has a clitoris, unless you have had a clitoral mutilation or circumcision. Don’t worry, we’ll talk about vulvas and vaginas soon 🙂 But for now, let’s focus on this holy-grail organ.
Believe it or not, what we see of the clit is only 25% of it’s entire structure. This is an ever-changing organ which comes in all shapes, sizes and visibility. This sweet spot is made up of 8,000 nerve endings and interacts with 15,000 additional nerve endings throughout the pelvic floor! Know about the G-Spot? Well, studies show it may be linked or part of clitoral structure. The penis and clitoris are actually very similar in that they are both made up of the same erectile tissue, and both become erect when aroused. Sadly 30% of women couldn’t locate their clitoris on a diagram, 44% couldn’t specify the vagina or vulva, and 60% either.
Masturbation is by definition, “the self-stimulation of genitals for sexual pleasure”. It’s a bit different from oral, anal, inter or outercourse in that it is a “self” act. It is a way to connect with the mind and body as a whole and increase better sex. It is absolutely harmless, natural, normal with sexual satisfaction and has scientifically proven health benefits including stress & pain relief, menstrual cramp relief, better sleep, happier moods, and a boost in self-confidence. Pretty great deal huh?
For all my lady friends out there that are beginners of intimidated, it ma help to look at yourself, explore or become more familiar with your body with your hands or an outercourse vibrator. Pleasure is defined completely differently from person to person, it is uniquely individual and can change according to hour or even the time of day. Masturbation can enlighten one’s preferences when having sex (yes, I speak to both women, and men).
The Erogenous Zones are a fantastic form of foreplay before masturbation or sex which include areas such as the lips & tongue, ears & neck, armpit, nipples & feet, palms of hands, inner thighs and genitals. These are highly sensitive areas of the body, particularly sensitive in terms of sending signals to the brain to indicate pleasure. This does vary from person to person. Believe it or not, orgasm is actually achievable just by stimulating the E Zones!
So, I want to introduce you gals to one of my favorite toy company, Smilemakers. You can click on this link, https://smilemakerscollection.com/shop/vibrators/ to shop and discover what makes them so special and unique. They have a fantastic blog, podcast, judgement-free, unfiltered, informative and enlightening to all things sex, love, masturbation, sexual-health, how-to’s, tips & tricks, and erotica. Of course, I also do my own discussions about love & sex, unfiltered raw and real over at https://www.instagram.com/lymesisters/ and my podcast (check that out in the lifestyle category). But, I fell in love with some of their products and want to share a few “outercourse” ones with you here!
These babies include “The Frenchman”, “The Fireman”, and “The Surfer”, which are all quiet, silicone-based, waterproof, phtalate-free, different settings and pulse intensity, and 4-hour pleasure filled on one battery. The site also includes tricks on how to use each, as well as their other internal/external vibrators and lubricants if needed!
THE FRENCHMAN: Is the blue guy on the far left, which is a unique evolved tongue-simulator vibrator if you enjoy oral sex. It basically mimics a soft tongue on pleasure spots, for a realistic experience! The blue part is flexible, and made of soft silicone, and can be used all over!
THE FIREMAN: Is the pink guy in the center, and he really is hot. He’s a unique clit vibrator (yup, I said it) with a unique rounded-nose and flame shaped clitoral pinpoint which stimulates the vulva and hits the clit simultaneously.
THE SURFER: Is the little guy on the far right in orange. Don’t underestimate this guy. He’s mighty powerful, as a compact/portable bullet vibrator. It’s basically designed to apply stimulation to the clit or anywhere you choose to target. It’s got a rounded head with little clitoral-designed nubs on the tip, great for solo or couple play with your partner or spouse!
Wanna know something interesting? 95% of straight men orgasm during intercourse, 65% of straight women, 86% of Lesbian/BI women & 89% of Gay/BI men. Men tend to define good sex as achieving an orgasm , whereas women define it as “pain-free”, pretty telling huh? So, why is there a pleasure gap? Basically, 1 out of 3 women don’t even know where the clitoris is, and 8 out of 10 women report pain with sex. Intercourse usually refers to penetration of some sort, and oftentimes, there is a fear-based, pleasure-free form of sex education being taught to men and women alike.
Communication, exploration and love closes the gap through better sex and proper sex-education.
Well that’s all for now folks. Don’t worry ladies, there’s much more to come. I promise, but I hope it anything I have enlightened you into the world of positive sex-education, freedom, passion and an overall better sexual life leading to better experiences with yourself of someone you love! Smile away gals 🙂
